Workout of the Day:
Ten rounds for time of:
12 Burpees
12 Pull-Ups

New Invictus star Iman demonstrating flawless burpee form.
New Invictus star Iman demonstrating flawless burpee form.

Interview with Adrian Bozman
Conducted by C.J. Martin 

Most of you that I have spent any time with know that I have a tremendous respect for San Francisco CrossFit coach and CrossFit Web-lebrity Adrian Bozman. He’s a phenomenal coach and an even better person. So I was ecstatic when Adrian agreed to do a candid interview regarding an important issue that has been raised in the CrossFit community.

CJ:  Boz, as you know there is a somewhat controversial debate going on in the CrossFit community right now.  I hate to bring you into the middle of it, but I think it is important that the CrossFit community knows where some of its most respected coaches stand on the issue.  So, without dancing around it any further, what are the five coolest animals on the planet?
BOZ:  Well CJ, I”ve really given this issue a lot of thought and I’m pretty certain I’ve weighed the issues on all sides. I think you’ll find that this list should clear up a lot of uncertainty that has been ringing through the greater CrossFit community…but enough chit-chat:
The #1 Coolest Animal On The Planet is the Musk Ox. These bastards have remained unchanged since the last ice-age because they are pretty much perfect. The only thing that even remotely bothers them is the timber wolf, and it can only prey on the young calves…the adults are too big for them! When the young are threatened, the adults form a protective ring around them leaving the timber wolf to look at nothing but thousands of pounds of unwavering horns and hide.
They also rule because I have eaten one (at a burger joint in Vancouver called Stormin’ Norman’s) and I like the cold, much like the mighty Musk Ox. Nothing phases them and they have zen-like clarity of purpose.I bet they smell horrible too.
musk-ox-one-am-light-vert-_l8x9225-nome-alaska
The second most-awesome-animal-ever is the Nubian Ibex (Google Images that shit). They have kingly horns that spiral out of control and live in the mountains. Actually, they don’t so much live as rock the shit out of each other in the mountains. They are constantly fighting to knock each other off of the seniority list and steal all the womens. They butt heads. And knock the crap out of other Ibexes (Ibexii?) without any regard for their personal safety. Can you run full-tilt down a mountain-side and headbutt your opponent off a cliff? Didn’t think so…
Moving right along, we have the Octopus. These little dudes are creepy as hell and extremely intelligent. I’ve heard they are capable of abstract thought (for real). In captivity they have been observed to kill sharks for no other reason than to kill sharks (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9A-oxUMAy8). They have the best high-tech camo-gear ever conceived and wait patiently for their time to strike. What goddamn little assassins! If an Octopus can fit it’s beak through something, it can fit it’s whole body through. I’m quite convinced that giant octopii exist and that level of mythos only makes them more “HOLYSHIT!!!” worthy.
This next choice may shock some of you. Dutch Lowy has made the point that birds are filthy animals and not worthy to be on any ‘Best-Of’ list unless said list includes lamest and stupidest animals of all-time. I don’t disagree.
However, the Golden Eagle is clearly the exception that proves the rule. They are HUGE. Really. Giant. They will swoop down and grab their pray (think mountain goats or sheep etc.) and toss it off a cliff for easy-snackin’. Even Dutch admits that they are rad…he had to concede to the scoop-you-up-and-drop-you-off-a-cliff argument. I once found a youtube video with a golden eagle feasting/cracking it’s prey’s skull open on the canyon floor and Slayer dubbed over top. It was epic.
The last animal was first introduced to me by CF Invictus pillar Nick Hawkes. The Honey Badger may have a lame-name, but it is also widely regarded as the toughest animal in Africa. Let me state that again: Toughest Animal In Africa. That is insane and places him pretty high in the running for toughest animal world-wide! They are not afraid of anything and will fight to the death. They can shake off a poisonous snake’s venom and not lose sight of their objective. Thousands of bees between you and some honey? The Honey Badger doesn’t register your lame excuses and will charge in while getting swarmed with bees. He’ll eat his fill and move on, unphased. Remember, we’re talking Africa bees here, not some lame-ass North American honey bees….
While you digest all that awesome-ness, let me just say that an old favorite, the common Raccoon, was recently bumped from the list. While they are crafty, nocturnal, tough as shit when backed into a corner, and my favorite animal throughout my childhood, you’ve gotta grow up sometime….
CJ:  Those are some interesting choices.  I think you’re going to get some push back from the community on some of these, but I know that your selections were well thought out and a result of much exploration.  That said, do you see this list as fluid and subject to change or fairly set at this point?
BOZ:  This complete dominance of this list, as far as I’m concerned, is undeniable. It is true that all things change and evolve given the passage of time, but I’m fairly certain that in my lifetime such radical cosmic shifts will not be witnessed.
CJ:  I appreciate your willingness to go public with this Boz and to do so in this forum.  You have had a lot of influence on many of the great coaches and athletes in this community.  I am sure we will hear some other perspectives in response, but you have certainly given us all something to think about.  Thanks again.
  • LOL @ Boz. Love that dude.

    I second the raccoon choice simply because I’ve seen them in action–at my house! They used to roll up in packs of 5 like the urban thugs of the animal kingdom and eat my cat’s food. Car horns, hockey sticks, and BB guns didn”t phase these sons of bitches. They just looked at me up and down and then, in quintessential thug fashion, stood on their hind legs and threw their hands up like, “what? whatchoo gon’ do?” They then deliberately ignored any actions I performed to scare them off and continued to eat my cat’s food and tear crap apart in the garage.

  • Wayne

    Love it!!!!

    Seriously, need more!!!

  • Adrian should have his own T.V. show. Not only could he be the host but he could fill in with entertainment like human tricks (Pistol jump onto a stack of mats) and trivia.

    What about the Komodo Dragon? While you’re out on the beach trying to have fun, it’ll run up, bite you, and just walk away. Those bastards leave to let you die over the next week from the 50 different bacterial strains it just infected you with. It’s like a bad “one-night stand”, except that one-night stands don’t come back a week later to eat you. Man, that’s just cold.

    I second the Ibex. They’d be a nightmare in a jiu-jitsu match. Imagine something that hard-headed burrowing it’s head into the side of your jaw as it passes your half guard. Oh Momma!! I do it to my fiance all the time when we’re playing around and she hates it.

  • pq

    Meh.

    Need some bears up ins.

  • Dutch

    Well Played Adrian!
    I admit i had to concede to the golden eagle. It is a pretty intense bird… This doesn’t change my disdain for the winged creatures.

    I am sorry you didn’t include the Hippo. While seemingly docile and calm, just try to take over its watering hole. At the drop of a coin Hippos become very violent creatures. They are known as one of the most deadly animals on the planet and kill more humans than any other animal except mosquitos.
    This isn’t the only reason they are badass. They are also smart enough not to kill each other even when battling for territory. This in itself prooves they may be smarter than humans.

    Dutch

  • biscuit

    If we’re talking tough animals, I have to go with the Emperor Penguin:
    -Lives in Antarctica (temps down to -40)
    -Eats mostly squid
    -Can hold it’s breath for 18 minutes
    -Gave the bird (pun intended) to mother nature, for making it flightless, by walking up to 75 miles in that same -40 degrees…just to BREED. Some may say that’s desperate, but i call it tough.

    honey badgers are legit

    -biscuit

  • POS

    Can we get a link to all 5 of the candidates and have our own survey? I have only seen the honey badger and that is one of the badest pound for pound animals there is.

  • Wayne

    If CrossFit were an animal I think it would be a toss up between the honey badger and the nubian ibex:

    Honey Badger: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c81bcjyfn6U

    Nubian Ibex… I mean check those guys out as Adrian suggests… they just look like royal ass kickers… plus the hair from their chins is some of the softest in the world… can you say lady killer?

    Oh, and if you thought our Ape cousins were impressive… I think this video proves otherwise.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wbVIgVi66k&feature=related

  • Cynthia

    Greatest animal:

    Whatever pig died to provide the ingredients for today’s Mmmmgood meal—Bacon Explosion. FRIGGIN DELICIOUS!!!!!!!!!

    I am more glad than ever that I gave up vegetarianism!!

  • Yadira

    9 rounds 20:00, on third week started 020309 🙂

  • Wayne

    Just hit up a nasty little WOD with CrossFit Invictus East Coaster POS.

    50-40-30-20-10 – KB Swings and Push ups.

    Harder than it seems. Push ups were the real slowdown for me. Used 1.5 Pood.

    POS killed it sub-14:00 with a 2 Pood.

  • POS

    Invictus is infectious (no not your cold BC) spreading Invictus love to NYC….Wayne was showing the globo gym-ers what it was like to workout. I think we might have been the only two in there without lifting gloves!

  • Flying Squirrel.

    Come on.

  • Kelly Starrett

    “and slayer dubbed over the top…”

    You had me at honey badger. Georgia has always loved her honey badger stuffed animal. She calls it “Mr. T”.

    Oh, and you are wrong about the Hippo’s. Juliet was attacked by one while canoeing in Africa after the world championships on the Zambezie. She litterally got a cut on her leg from the hippo tooth punching through the canoe.
    Any animal that can’t kill my wife is not worthy of making any list.

    kstar

  • Am I beyond family friendly territory here…

    What about the female dog ? The Bitch is obviously the most formidable.
    Although I hope one does not kill Kelly’s wife. Skanky bitches are the worst.